Why More People Choose Not to Disclose Identities. It’s Not What You Think.

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We live in an era of information and identity pressure. Social media, political fracturing, and economic upheaval tend to facilitate division.

Despite increasing identity pressure, it is important to be aware of the reasons that individuals who have non-apparent identities, such as People of Color who pass as white, LGBTQ+ individuals, People of Faith, and those who are Neurodivergent, may choose not to disclose their identities or may be hesitant to do so.

But first, a little context on why identity pressure is a relatively new phenomenon. In the Global North, the last few decades have seen a rise in more and more complex identities, and people have reported feeling pressured to decide whether or not to disclose them.

This is particularly significant, as throughout most of European and North American history, the state decided identities, and it is only recently that this power has shifted from the institutional to the individual.

This article will discuss why people may hesitate to disclose their non-apparent identities and provide some questions to help us better understand when it is in our interests to do so.

Fear of discrimination

Discrimination against marginalized communities still exists in many areas of society, causing individuals to feel uncomfortable or unsafe disclosing their identities in public or professional settings.

Stigma

Stigma and negative attitudes towards certain identities can make individuals feel ashamed or embarrassed, leading them to keep their identities private.

Lack of understanding

Many people lack knowledge and understanding of what it means to belong to marginalized communities, resulting in misconceptions, stereotypes, and biases.

Personal reasons

Some individuals may feel their identity is irrelevant to the situation or prefer to keep it private for other reasons.

Safety concerns

Past experiences of discrimination or violence, or a general sense of fear or anxiety about how others may react, can make individuals worry about their safety if they disclose their identities.

How Can We Know When it is in our interest to Disclose?

If you have a non-apparent identity, it's important to take the time to consider whether or not you want to disclose it. Disclosing your non-apparent identity can have positive outcomes, such as joy, freedom, and reconnection with your needs and intuition.

The rest of this article offers five considerations to help you decide where disclosing a non-apparent identity aligns with your values, interests, professional success, and safety.

Pause and Prepare

It is important to take a moment and pause before deciding to disclose. Ask yourself if you feel pressured or if this is truly your choice. Making this decision while grounded and centered allows you to respond from the best part of yourself.

Remember that the decision to disclose is entirely yours, and you should not feel compelled to do so just because others have in the past. You may still be figuring things out, or you may not relate to any labels or language that would describe your experience. Either way, settling your body, mind, and spirit will help you make this decision.

Taking a moment to respond thoughtfully and taking a few deep breaths can also be beneficial.

Many people have felt completely surprised when others ask them about their identity. A lot can go through our minds. Perhaps we fear that others have been talking about us. Maybe we told a close friend, and they shared this without our permission. Or perhaps we don’t want to explain our identity to others.

In moments of conflict, especially religious and ethnic clashes, people tend to find comfort in sorting themselves into groups. This comforts people and allows them to navigate uncertain times. Children often do this because they see adults do so. In response, members of the “out-group” may suppress or minimize aspects of their dress, speech, and other identifiers that could signal that they are not in the majority.

It is also important to consider whether you feel prepared to decide whether to disclose. What do you need to feel safe if you choose to disclose?"

People

When someone discloses that they belong to a non-apparent identity group like LGBTQ+, Neurodivergent, (white-passing) Person of Color, or Religious, it can change how they are perceived and treated within a group, community, or organization. As humans, we define ourselves in relation to others around us.

Our identities are often a shorthand for what we should expect and how to treat others. However, this may create social distance and affect the person's interpersonal relationships. That's why it's helpful to have individuals who can provide emotional and social support throughout the disclosure process. These may include trusted individuals like loved ones, parents, guides, mentors, therapists, coaches, or anyone willing to be there for you.

For children who choose to disclose, it's particularly important to have strong relationships with their caregivers and know they will be accepted. It's worth noting that disclosure is a dynamic process, and having someone to help navigate its effects can be invaluable.

Purpose

When thinking about sharing personal information about oneself, it is important to consider why it is being shared. For some individuals, sharing aspects of their identity can help them feel more comfortable in relationships or communities, allow others to understand them better, or help them fully explore their identity.

Research has shown that the ages between 11 and 20 are a crucial period for discovering and sharing one's identity. However, recent studies suggest that this period could be extended to 30 years or older. Identities are context-specific, and a change in context sometimes leads to a shift in identity.

This can be especially pronounced for Neurodivergent people, women, LGBTQ+ individuals, and others with non-apparent identities. Identities are fluid and change just like we do. If an identity shifts, it doesn’t mean that previous identities were invalid or false because they were true at the time.

Power Dynamics

As the saying goes, every action has an equal and opposite reaction. It's essential to consider the power dynamics that shape our decisions to disclose information. Power dynamics refer to the various factors influencing our experiences and expectations within a relationship, community, or space.

Discerning power dynamics can be tricky because power is often intentionally rendered invisible. Our notions of power are reflected in our beliefs, behaviors, and ways of being. They can be identified through artifacts such as written codes of ethics, leadership, differences in outcomes for similar behavior, and sometimes, demographic data.

For those with non-apparent identities, disclosing an identity can mean distancing themselves from “the majority” and cutting off access to social, economic, and other privileges. While we can't predict the outcome of disclosing our identity, we can use qualitative and quantitative data to make inferences and predictions.

Possibilities

When it comes to disclosing a non-apparent identity, it can be a difficult decision to make, especially if there are power dynamics that complicate matters. It is important to consider the potential outcomes of disclosure.

While there may be positive outcomes, such as feeling a sense of freedom, relief, and anticipation for re-discovering authenticity, there may also be negative outcomes.

In Closing

Ultimately, the decision to disclose a non-apparent identity should be made by weighing the possibilities and choosing what feels right for you. It is important to remember that you have control over your narrative, and your identity deserves to be respected.

You are the only one who can determine when and how you disclose your identity, and it is okay to take your time and think through the decision carefully. No one is entitled to your identity, and you can decide when and if you share it with others.