Empowering Ourselves: Strategies for Knowing When (and How) to Speak Up
Photo credit: Dan Burton
According to a well-known idiom, the best time to plant a tree was years ago. The second best time is right now. This truism has much wisdom, especially regarding how to respond to harm or injustice. This can be daunting to do as the harm takes place. Emotions may be high. We may feel unsure or unprepared. Even if we want to counter harm, how can we be sure what to do? This paralysis of analysis is called decision demand, and it can be difficult to overcome at the moment. To challenge decision demand, I’ve combined my years of practice challenging harm with what I know, sense, and feel from years of being the recipient and the one countering harm. I am sharing the V.A.R. method to hopefully offer you an accessible way to choose a response that resonates with you. Each situation is different, and we could all benefit from a nuanced approach to responding to harm. To learn the V.A.R. method, I encourage you to read on.
What is Harm?
What we consider harmful is shaped to a large extent by our conditioning (culture, lived experience, memories, relationship to power) and the conditions of our present moment (the context, power dynamics, laws, physical environment, and explicit expectations we are held to). This resource will not delve into the nuances and schools of thought detailing harm or injustice. I hope that you have an example at present that can help you in assessing how to respond. It may be helpful to determine harm based in part on what we experience at the moment as a witness. To assist with this assessment, I offer Indigenous wisdom I’ve received that describes how we are thinking, feeling, and sensing as a witness using our mind (mental faculties), heart (emotional resonance), and body (physical sensations). The MindHeartBody test is explored in more detail at chrishoootenconsulting.com
Step 1: VISUALIZE
Visualize a Situation (memory or fabricated scenario) in which bias may play a role in the interaction. For example, you may overhear a person stating a negative belief about a group they are not a member of.
Consider assessing whether this imagined harm passes the MindHeartBody test.
Step 2: APPLY
Pause to sense how you are experiencing this visualization.
What are the thoughts that are surfacing? Are emotions arising? Can you sense a reaction within your body? If these reactions are troubling, gently remind your bodymindspirit that this is a visualization. Possible reactions can include anger, anxiety, numbness, tightness of breath, clenching of the jaw, dry mouth, etc. Once you have reached a state of being centered, imagine yourself “shopping for a method to respond to the harm you witness.” Ask yourself what the power dynamics are in this situation. What are your possibilities? What is the purpose of your response? Once you know your purpose, the power dynamics, and some possibilities, think of the methods we’ve explored in this workshop as a tool to help you respond. Which tools will likely feel right and get you to your preferred possibility? Now, re-enter the same scenario and imagine trying out your selected tool.
Step 3: REFLECT
Assess this scenario using the three information centers in your head, heart, and abdomen. When something makes logical sense, we experience clarity in the mind. The mind is calm and open to possibilities. When something feels right, we often experience a resonating sensation in our chest. They feel openness and breathe easily.
In contrast, we may feel tightness in the chest or halt our breath when something doesn’t resonate. Our stomach or abdomen is our physical sensation center. This may manifest as a “sinking feeling,” stomach pain, or discomfort. We may cover our abdomen or lean forward in a protective stance.
Alternatively, when we feel physically safe or in resonance, we reflect openness with an open abdomen. We may feel that our “gut” is saying yes. We may also breathe more deeply into our abdomen or even laugh, which we feel in our core.
Final Thoughts
In total, the V.A.R. method should take about 10-15 minutes from start to finish, depending on the scenario and how long it takes for us to process and reflect. The V.A.R. method aims to allow for a more authentic and empowered way of choosing how to respond and not to react impulsively. Some benefit solely from visualizing, while others appreciate the opportunity to write our reflections. In contrast to attempting to force an answer to manifest, the V.A.R. method emphasizes the surfacing of information available when we are receptive to signals from our mind, body, and spirit.
